Noel Edmonds
His whole cheesy persona makes me want to head-butt the television. I’d like to break into his house in the middle of the night and chop off that dreadful, quiffed mullet that he’s been sporting since the early 80’s and force feed him the hair afterwards, the absolute cock-cheese!
Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant
I can’t stand these two and their annoyingly childish, giggling antics and nauseating dialogues. I’d love to drop kick them both off the white cliffs of Dover, preferably tied to a washing machine and fridge respectively.
Fern Cotton and Holly Willoughby
If I could eat my own head whilst they are on the TV/Radio I would. Their grating voices and utterly false facial expressions leave me monumentally annoyed. If there was any justice they would have been slowly reversed over by a blind truck driver some time ago.
And yes, that is a book that is titled 'The Best Friends Guide To Life' that they have apparently 'written'. I'm sure it's an utterly enthralling read.
I certainly wouldn't want to be taking any 'life advice' of these two muppets. What advice would they actually have to give you?
'Only use Clarins make-up, always jog around the park anti-clockwise as it tones your bum and legs better, make sure you get your 5 a day, always wipe your arse after having a poo, don't eat white bread, treat yourself to a cupcake once a month, only drink once a decade, don't take drugs, never kiss on the first date and never put your tongue in, don't masturbate because it's wrong, drink prune juice, always brush your teeth before, during and after a meal, listen to Katie Melua and James Blunt every day, don't fart or burp because girls don't do that sort of thing, always offer your seat on the bus to someone taller than you, don't walk just skip everywhere instead.'.....PISS OFF YOU PAIR OF FUCKWITS!
I certainly wouldn't want to be taking any 'life advice' of these two muppets. What advice would they actually have to give you?
'Only use Clarins make-up, always jog around the park anti-clockwise as it tones your bum and legs better, make sure you get your 5 a day, always wipe your arse after having a poo, don't eat white bread, treat yourself to a cupcake once a month, only drink once a decade, don't take drugs, never kiss on the first date and never put your tongue in, don't masturbate because it's wrong, drink prune juice, always brush your teeth before, during and after a meal, listen to Katie Melua and James Blunt every day, don't fart or burp because girls don't do that sort of thing, always offer your seat on the bus to someone taller than you, don't walk just skip everywhere instead.'.....PISS OFF YOU PAIR OF FUCKWITS!
Elvis Presley
I just can’t handle listening to his farty, warbling voice.
He does get slight kudos for dying on the bog whilst chewing on a loaf of bread though.
He does get slight kudos for dying on the bog whilst chewing on a loaf of bread though.
This picture was taken at his final ever live performance, looking suitably bloated.
Piers Morgan
He’s just a smarmy arse-wipe whose head resembles a melting bollock. Enough said.
Ruth Goodman
I don't watch an awful lot of TV these days but came across a dreadful programme one afternoon with this ultra annoying munter who was cooking foods from the 17th and 18th centuries.
She was god awful to look at, but at least gave me something to gawp at for half an hour.
She resembled a witch (sporting a huge hook nose and the obligatory wart or two on her face) and she dressed like she was still living five hundred years ago, in clothes she'd probably weaved herself from flaxen. I honestly reckon she wishes that she worked as a skivvy in Henry VIII's court, getting paid in dead mice and only being allowed outside if it started to rain, so she could go and wash away her month old stench.
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